The Tangible.

One of the main things I miss while Aaron is away is his touch. I don't mean this in a lewd way, I mean simple things like having someones hand to hold, getting a hug when I come home from work, having someone to snuggle on the couch or lean on at the dining table. Just the everyday interactions and connections people have with their partners.

With today's technology it's so much easier to communicate than it would have been, say, 20 years ago. But no matter how many emails you receive or phone calls you make, nothing can compare with a reassuring squeeze of your hand by your loved one to let you know you're not alone.

Things we take for granted every day, a hand on your thigh while driving, a kiss goodnight, even the occasional bum-pat while cooking dinner, are really noticed in their absence. Even trying to sleep without being able to reach out and put my hand on his back is disquieting; when I have trouble sleeping I have even found myself putting my hand on a pillow just so I feel like he's there!

Without getting into the details too much, the main thing I miss is his kiss. There's no one else in the world that I have that type of intimate contact with, it's something that is quintessentially ours and ours alone, and the lack of it is really hard to deal with.

Tangible objects become anchors. The necklace he gave me, the teddy bear he made, my wedding ring. They remind me that he is really out there somewhere and give me something to hold on to when I struggle to cope with the fact he isn't just out for a few hours or in the next room.

But eventually, the feelings pass, I get distracted or go to sleep and sometimes I forget the ache for a while. And I always know, next time he walks through the gate at the airport, he will pick me up and squeeze me tight, and I know that's all I've been waiting for.